Growing Up "On Your Own"

Hello readers!

When you have an Autistic sibling, the road from childhood to adulthood is lonely. Most of the time, it's just me looking out for the potholes, stop signs and road blocks in the way of my future.

This is something I have become accustomed to, and now it barely bothers me. However, when I describe my life to others they are shocked by my level of independance.

To me, it isn't surprising, and I only started noticing my lonliness recently.

I was at my friend T's house waiting for her mum to take us shopping. She said we could leave whenever we wanted, and she would drive us to Costco (45 minute drive) and wait for us there.

1. That was the first odd thing to me. Mum would never have that much free time on her hands, or be able to leave Bill and H at home by themselves, whilst she took a 3 hour trip (minimum) with her daughter and her friend to Costco. I would have to find some other way to get there, whether it be by bus or train. Mum just wouldn't be able to do that for me.

Later on at T's house, her mum was helping her find a costume for a performance she had coming up. She looked all through their attic and returned with three costume options.

2. I have been doing things such as performing, giving speeches and making presentations my entire life. Never have I ever needed my parents to help me with anything of that matter. (Actually, in year one, mum did help me with my maths homework. she got a D+ "on purpose"...) Both of my parents are usually far too busy to worry about me, so they have kind of put me in autopilot.

I don't mind that I am independent. In fact, it has been a great asset and skill to have. I got into the Enhancement Program in primary school and Year 9 Advanced Mathematics this year, as the main criteria (alongside academic achievement) was independance.

What I'm trying to say is, it's always just been me. If any of you have seen the Modern Family episode "Under Pressure", imagine that all siblings of Autistic children are Alex. Everytime I watch it I tear up, because I feel just like Alex. This is my favourite interaction from the episode, which shows Alex talking to the therapist she is seeing:

Alex: Well, when I was little I was in a spelling be at school, and I really wanted to win. I don't know why, there was no prize, no one cared, my parents didn't even know I was in it. I just felt this weight on my shoulders, like if I lost I, I don't know, I just had to win.

Therapist: And did you?

Alex: Yep. And you know what the winning word was? Responsibilty.

.....

Alex: Don't get me wrong, I like the way I'm wired. It's what's going to get me into a good school, it's what makes me who I am.

Therapist: And how is that, being who you are?

Alex: I don't know. Mostly good, a little exhausting, sometimes hard. I guess there's your answer, it's hard being me.

It's hard being me.

Love,

E.