"The reality is that..."

Hi Everyone!

Todays post is an important and one we can all relate to.

My mum does this thing which may annoy me, but it relates perfectly to today's post. She'll start a sentence with "The reality is that...." blah blah blah. I never got it. She wasn't comparing anything to fiction or arguing with someone, she would just say it. But everytime someone says "Oh I didn't know your brother had Autism )):" or 'I'm so sorry! That must be so difficult!" You and I both feel like screaming at them.

It's not the fault of these people. They haven't been intentionally ignorant or neglected to notice that there are people in this world that see it differently. The reality is that they just don't get it.

Let me give you an example.

I was walking to the train station with a friend after school. It was a beautiful day, the spring flowers in the parklands blossoming around us. It was hot, must have been 35 degrees, and if you know me you know that heat puts me on edge.

This friend, G, was going to come to my house that afternoon. Before people come to my house, and you can relate to this I'm sure, I have to warn them about my brother.

The reason for this is I never know what to expect going home to Bill. He has, in the past, called my friends mothers and fathers ugly and fat, straight to their faces. Bill has attacked my other brother H whilst my parents were speaking to other adults and he has attacked my friends. I never bring anyone into a dangerous situation, but that's just the way he is. Everyday there is a new challenge.

So I warn my friend G that Bill may be blatently rude or annoyed that she was there. G says, jokingly, "It's not like he's going to attack me or something! He's just a kid! Why are you warning me about him Edi? I can handle myself. You should calm down!"

Let me just stop right there. If you have a brother with Autism, you too can pick up about 10 things I hate about what G just said. The reality is that G had no idea what she was talking about. And it goes back to what I said before. She wasn't being ignorant. She just didn't get it.

It can be very hard to put yourself into the position of someone with an Autistic sibling. And we all have those friends who think they know what it's like, who think they are on the same wave-length as you, when the reality is that they have next-to-no idea.

A friend who I have known for over 10 years, C, is one of those people. I see him almost everyday when we catch the train together, and sometimes I might go on a "rant" about Bill.

These are the things that C tells me:

1. You should be the one feeling sorry for him! He is the one that see's the world differently.

2. You have no idea how hard it is for him in day-to-day life.

3. Well one day he is going to be a billionaire. All kids with Autism turn out like that.

4. He is probably smarter than you Edi! God, get it together.

*Sigh*. That is not what I wanted to hear.

When you find youself in that situation, I always have used the same technique.

"C, you have no idea how hard it is for me."

Then I would go all silent treatment on him, or anyone else who would do the same to me. It has worked so far, but if you know anyone like this and have some advice on what to say to them, send me an email! I would love to share it with everyone, and use it myself. Until then, the above has worked for me.

The reality is that no one really understands what it is like for us except eachother. These people are always going to be around us, it's just the way it is.

And finally, some advice.

I get it. I know people always say that to you and they don't, but I do. I am going through the exact same things as you. And however ridiculous or abstract what your sibling has done, the reality is that someone on here has had the exact same experience.

Email me at anytime, I would love to hear from you.

Love,

E.